The Way the Cookie Crumbles
by invisiblescaper
Summary: Inspired by The Final Act by Tomboy13. This is a story of probability, the bothersome reality of fate, and Flashbashing. Hooryay, Flashbashing! And...Flash. Warning: Starts out pretty normal, but descends into utter silliness. So don't get mad. Hoob out.
1. Cookies

Inspired by "The Final Act" by Tomboy13. If you like Flashbashing as much as I do, I'd suggest giving many (to all) of her stories a read. This one is a story of destiny, the bothersome reality of fate, and Flashbashing. Hooryay, Flashbashing! Slight ST:TNG crossover. Post "A Better World." 

Disclaimer: I guess it's a good thing I don't own the Justice League 'cause this is the kind of stuff I'd do with it. 

NOTE: Terminology I'm not so familiar with for the WatchTower, as in, what all the rooms are called, or so much the layout. Forgive me, but I watch a lot of Treks and 'Gates, so that's mostly what I'll use. You'll get the point, I'm sure. Anyway, does anyone know the layout? 'Cause it seems to change every time we visit the dern place. Definitely AU. I also don't think many of them are true to character. Definitely Wonder Woman, Hawkgirl, and Martian Manhunter aren't quite right. Nope. They're way better. 

**AND NOW:**

A red-gloved hand sneaked its way into the cookie jar. A similarly covered face peered in after it. 

"Ah, the last cookie," The Flash said as he grabbed it. "This is gonna be a great day." He heard J'onn and Wonder Woman talking as they made their way toward the kitchen. "Whoop," Flash whispered to himself. "J'onn finds out I ate the last Oreo, I'm toast." Flash shoved it in his mouth and sped off before J'onn or Wonder Woman could see him. 

Wonder Woman was still snickering from the gossip about Thaleia she had told to J'onn. The Martian Manhunter was stoic, as always, and Wonder Woman thought it was because that was how he always reacted. In truth, he really couldn't care less about the sordid sexual escapades of fairy tale characters created by the Greeks. He was not about to tell her that. 

"Whoo!" Wonder Woman said, wiping a tear from her eye. "That Hera is crazy. Did you ever hear about whe . . . " 

J'onn tuned her out as he opened the cookie jar. Upon finding it empty, he punched the wall, then noticed an odd sound in the other room. 

"Shh," J'onn said, holding up a hand and stopping her. "Do you hear that?" 

"Yeah," she said. "Did someone bring an asthmatic ape on board?" 

The strained gasping was accompanied by a deep, clicking cough. 

"An asthmatic ape with Scarlet Fever." 

The sounds tapered off and died. 

"Oh, no!" Wonder Woman took off. J'onn followed in suit to find Wonder Woman desperately trying to restart Flash's heart with CPR. Before he could do anything to help, Flash sat up, gasping, coughing, and spitting out minute traces of the last Oreo on the Watch Tower. 

"You!" J'onn accused, but Flash was too distracted to pay attention. 

He took several long, deep breaths, infinitely joyful he could breathe again. Wonder Woman smiled as the blue drained from his lips and was replaced by a healthy pink as the last trace of cyanosis disappeared from his face. 

"How are you feeling?" 

"Aw, Princess, I didn't know you cared," he said in a hoarse whisper. With help from Wonder Woman, he stood unsteadily, then grabbed his sore chest and throat at the same time and croaked, "I'm just gonna go lay down." He lumbered in the direction of the entertainment room to crash on the couch. 

Superman's voice sounded in their ears. "J'onn? Diana? Could you come to the conference room? There are things that must be discussed." 

"Sure. Flash just went to lie down; I'll go get him and be right up there." 

"No. He's not invited. It's concerning him." 

Wonder Woman and J'onn looked at each other. J'onn raised an eyebrow and they both flew off to the conference room. 


	2. Guardrails

"So- so at some point today, Flash is supposed to die?" 

Superman looked at Wonder Woman. 

"That's what Batman said." 

"No, I didn't," Batman argued in his low, grumbly voice. "Oh, you mean the other one." 

"Yes. That's what Batman II said." 

"Did he say how?" Hawkgirl inquired. 

"Yes, but it doesn't help much." 

"How do you mean?" 

"In his universe, the villain that killed him wasn't already dead." 

"So he's dead here," Green Lantern stated. 

"Last week. Krumping incident - it wasn't pretty." 

"Then we should have nothing to worry about." 

"I don't know about that." Superman tilted his head. "I imagine whoever hired him in their dimension will hire someone else in ours. Keep your eyes peeled." 

"The universe does have a way of sorting itself out," Batman said soberly. 

Green Lantern was lit with righteous anger. "So what are you saying? There's nothing we can do about it?" 

"I'm saying it might be out of our hands." 

"Maybe out of your hands, but I for one am not going to sit idly by while another innocent is murdered for no reason!" 

"You don't know it's for no reason," Batman argued softly, just soft enough so Green Lantern wouldn't hear him, thereby winning the argument by forfeit. Like you've never done it. 

"Shouldn't we tell him?" Wonder Woman asked, her brow furrowing. 

"No," J'onn replied, the first thing he said since the meeting started. "It would only result in his getting nervous and jittery, doing more harm than good." 

"How do you know?" Wonder Woman asked more accusatory than curiously. "Did you ask him?" 

In reply, J'onn tapped himself on the temple. 

"Get out of there," Green Lantern said, thwapping the Martian Manhunter on the occipital portion of his head. 

"Hey!" they heard Flash call out. "Where is everyo-oooooooooooah!" They looked up through the window just in time to see Flash lose his footing and go tumbling off of the thin strip of hovering metal. 

"Holy Hannah!" Wonder Woman said in surprise. She stood immediately, the chair making a most unbearable squealing on the floor. She wasn't as fast as Superman, however, who was already flying down the shaft after him. 

"Holy Hannah?" Hawkgirl asked. "Don't you mean 'Great Hera' or-" 

Wonder Woman and the others ran out of the conference room after Superman. 

"Or 'Gracious Gaia' or something?" Hawkgirl chased Wonder Woman in order to finish her inquiry. 

"Flash! Are you okay?" Wonder Woman asked as Superman landed him easily back on the ground, completely ignoring Hawkgirl's question. 

"What about 'Mighty Aphrodite?'" 

Flash gave Hawkgirl a quizzical look, then answered Wonder Woman. "Better now. Thanks, Supes." Flash smacked the larger man on the shoulder, then held the stinging extremity. "What do you think about getting guard rails for these?" 

"Honestly, it never occurred to me. Everyone else can fly, or Batman can at least use one of his toys since he doesn't actually have super powers because he's just human." Batman narrowed his eyes at Superman while Green Lantern drew no attention to himself. "What?" 

"Well, think about it, will you?" 

Their attention was drawn to the klaxons and lights, indicating a problem on the planet below. The members of the Justice League rushed to the command deck via flying, phasing, running, or what have you. In the process, Flash was pushed off the bridge again, but grabbed by Green Lantern before he became a red spot on the deck below. 

"Quit screwing around, will you?" Lantern reprimanded. 

"Easy for you to say," Flash replied. 

Lantern set him down and Flash took off. He was one of the first to arrive, second only to J'onn. 

"What's happening?" Superman demanded. He was followed by the others with Batman bringing up the rear and looking none too happy about it. 

Batman glanced at the sensor station which had busted earlier. He was in the process of fixing it when the secret meeting was called. It was unfinished and open. He noticed what was happening a split-second too late. 

"Flash, no!" Batman yelled just after Flash leaned on the broken console. 

"Dancing Demeter!" Hawkgirl shouted. Wonder Woman glared at her. "What? You're not doing it." 

Flash went rigid as the electricity shot through his muscles, depolarizing all of them. He couldn't move or yell, much less pull away. He felt like his heart would soon explode. 

Batman grabbed a conveniently-placed broom and knocked Flash away with the wooden broomstick. Flash landed on the floor in a smoking heap and refused to move. 


	3. The Haps

Batman prodded the prone body of his colleague with his foot. "Flash?" he said more in his Bruce Wayne voice than his Batman voice. "You still with us?" 

He looked pleadingly at the other members of the Justice League, but they were pretending to be too engrossed in the altercation on the planet, wanting to keep their distance because, hey, dead people are icky. Batman leaned down to whisper in Flash's ear what would happen if he didn't start moving soon. 

Wonder Woman looked at Superman. "What's he saying?" 

Superman blushed. 

"Shh," Flash whispered. "There's no need for that, Bats. I'm just gonna lie here for a while. In fact, get away from me." 

Batman shrugged and sauntered over to the rest of the group. 

"What's the haps, my brother?" he asked Superman. 

Superman looked at Batman like he had a foot growing out of his face. "What did you say to me?" 

"I'm trying something new." 

"Well, stop it. Are you trying to make weirding out the Man of Steel your new super power since you don't have any of your own?" 

"What's the problem down there?" Batman changed the subject. 

"Some thug who got his hands on a pulse weapon and is wreaking havoc downtown." 

"It has been evacuated, right?" 

Superman nodded. 

"Very suspicious if you ask me," J'onn volunteered. 

"I agree," Batman said, eyeing the footage of the troublemaker. "The weapon is too high-end for him to have just gotten his hands on it. It was clearly given to him. This has-" 

"-got Luthor written all over it," Superman finished. 

"Here we go," Batman said, putting his hands up in defeat. 

While Superman ranted about Luthor, Flash had stood up and was leaning against the wall. Some of his limbs were still twitching on his left side, more from the fatigue of being over used than anything else. He let his legs relax and he slid down the wall until he was only sitting up because of the help from behind. Flash's eyes were closed while he waited for the exhaustion to ease off. He was joined by Green Lantern who didn't want to hear the Lex Luthor speech again anymore than Batman. 

"Hey, Buddy; how's it going?" 

He was greeted by one barely-opened eye and Flash's crooked grin. 

"I knew I had an electric personality, but jeez." 

Green Lantern put a firm hand on his friend's knee and gave it a shake. 

"That doesn't help." Flash opened his eyes and watched Superman until he was finished talking. "So when are we going down there?" 

Superman raised his eyebrows. "You aren't going anywhere except to the infirmary. This guy can be taken care of by-" 

"Holy hell!" Wonder Woman cried. Hawkgirl looked at her incredulously. 

"Nixin' Nyx!" Hawkgirl said, stressing every syllable to correct Wonder Woman's exclamatory phrases. 

"That's not just a thug," Batman informed. Lantern helped Flash stand so they could all see the monitor. The thug was shooting a dusty-orange substance from the ends of his arms. One ball of the stuff hit the news camera that was shooting the story. 

"That's Clayface." 

. . 

NOTE: Sorry for the tiny, somewhat frivolous chapter. You see, yesterday night at about 6:00, my sister (who is my lab partner in chemistry) passed me a note that said, _We have two labs due tomorrow._ I passed one back to her that read, _I need new underwear._

**TOMBOY13: **Competition? Doubt it. I love your stories (especially the ones I've read), not to mention the commentaries at the bottom. Besides, this'll probably be the only JL fic I do considering I'm writing something else from which I took a short hiatus. I mean, I can usually bang out 125 pages or so in three weeks, but I've been writing this other one for three YEARS. It's had long enough to sit around and develop that it has become five stories, and I'm afraid I've grown so attached to all the characters that if I do ever finish it, I'll just die. 

**ASHLEE, **"Mighty Aphrodite" is one of my favs, too. I crack myself up something awful. 

Oh, **DACKER SPANIEL**, you have no idea how doomed. 

**DARKKNIGHT92**, don't worry about Flash/WW. Yelch. She's just upset because she's such an impossible gossip. 

Uh oh, **GHOST-GIRL-13**, watch for changing writing styles. I'm real bad about that. I'm trying to keep it light and funny, but if I've had a bad day, I tend to take it out hard on whomever I can. Luckily, I don't write chronologically, so it's pretty consistent the whole way through. I wrote the beginning and the end in one day. It's that bothersome middle part that's the problem. 


	4. Chairs

"Clayface?" Flash asked. "Sounds like you could use some help down there." He stood on his own and put every ounce of cockiness in his voice that he could muster. It wasn't enough. 

"You're still staying," Batman enforced.

"But we'll need everyone else," Superman said.

"Especially with his curious ability to expand his mass," Hawkgirl said. "Where does it come from?" she asked. "When he shrinks down again, where does it go? How can he afford to throw himself around like that? He must have some secret reserve where he has all this extra mass. Some kind of pocket. Hidden somewhere."

"Probably the same kind of place you keep that mace of yours," Flash quipped with a grin. Hawkgirl glanced away.

"Agrarian Artemis," she hissed. Wonder Woman's jaw clenched. Then she thought of Flash and how she'd never be able to hear one of his bad jokes again, and she burst into tears.

"I imagine it hurts, too," Flash agreed. "What is with everyone today? I'm fine." Flash did a quick spin around the room to prove it. It might have been a tad slower than usual, but what do they know from super speed, save Superman, and he wasn't really paying attention anyway.

_'J'onn,' _Batman thought, but he was only replied to by the theme of _Sanford and Son._ _'J'ONN!'_ Batman mentally screamed. He was hit with a hard look from the Martian.

_'What?'_ J'onn asked sharply.

_'Tell Superman that Flash might suspect something if we treat him differently.'_

_'I am not your secretary. You tell him.'_

_'Really? Because I have a whole stash of Oreos back in the Batcave-'_

"Flash might suspect something if we treat him differently!" J'onn yelled out suddenly. Batman put his forehead in his palm with an audible smack.

"Hey!" Green Lantern shouted.

Flash suddenly became very nervous. "What does that mean? Lantern? What does that mean?"

Wonder Woman let out a wail before she ran out of the room.

"Um-"

Superman was unyielding. "There is no way I'm going to let you go. If you don't get to the infirmary right now, I'll carry you there myself."

"Hey, okay, I'm going." Flash left, supposedly for the infirmary. Yeah, right. Something was going on here, and by George, he was going to find out what. He sped to the hanger door so he could reach the _Javelin_.Once inside, he punched the control panel until it broke. "That should buy me some time, at least." Flash leapt into the cockpit, but instead of landing in a seat, he aimed himself for behind the front seats to stowaway, then situated himself half under a back seat and half under a blanket so no one could spot him.

Meanwhile, the rest of the Justice League were perplexed as to why they couldn't get the hanger door to open.

"Maybe something exploded," Hawkgirl suggested. "The sensors are down right now."

"Do you want to handle it?" Superman asked Batman. "Oh, wait. You don't have super powers." Superman melted it with his laser vision.

"Lucky there are other bulkhead doors to keep out the vacuum," Batman complained at Superman's tactic. He was surly, but he looked curiously at the notepad Superman was suddenly holding.

"Super laser vision - check." Superman put the notepad away. "I'm actually just going to fly there since I don't need to ride in a ship. I'll see you there."

"I will go with Superman," J'onn informed. "I suggest anyone who does not need the ship should not ride in the Javelin. Gasoline is expensive."

"Before you go," Batman said, "is Flash where he's supposed to be?"

"Uh, sure," he answered, although as soon as he had said his piece, he mentally checked out and was listening to theme songs.

"#Boy the way Glen Miller played, songs that made the hit parade. Guys like us we had it made, those were the days#," J'onn sang as he followed Superman. (I suppose "sang" works, although there wasn't so much a tune as just his monotone voice.)

J'onn was very unpleased with the way the day was panning out. He had reserved it to watched TV Land all day. He wrote it on the schedule and everything.

Besides, they didn't have anything to worry about. Flash always did exactly what everyone told him to do, right?

. . . Okay, so maybe the TV was rotting J'onn's brain. Who am I to judge?

Batman pressed down one eyebrow and let out a disenchanted "Hmm."

"I'm gonna go with them," Green Lantern told them. "C'mon, Shayera. You wanna lift?"

Hawkgirl smiled coyly and allowed herself to be bubbled up for space travel.

Batman looked at Wonder Woman. "You going, too?"

"Naw," she answered. "This suit offers no protection from the coldness of space."

"I doubt it offers much protection from anything."

Wonder Woman pulled a face, but didn't say anything as she followed Batman into the Javelin. Batman shifted uncomfortably in the seat.

"Did Superman fly this last?" he asked.

"I don't know; why?"

"Is he shorter than me?"

"Try an inch taller, big man."

"No," Batman argued. "I'm pretty sure he's shorter."

Batman situated the seat to accommodate his height. He slid it backwards right on to Flash's fingers.

"Something's jamming this," he complained. Batman moved it back and forth, and jumped up and down on it a little. It was all Flash could do to not make noise, but he was writhing like a worm on a hook in a fish on a dock. Honestly, he could have wet his pants. I think the only reason he didn't was that it's so conspicuous when Wally West brings the Flash suit to the dry cleaner's.

_'Whoever thought to make me hide behind Batman's chair really needs to have her head examined.'_

Flash looked pointedly at the ceiling of the Javelin, but I was actually watching from behind, so the effect was lost.

_'Well,' _Flash thought, _'I'm not a big fan of this, but if I want my hand back, I think it's my only option.' _Flash began to vibrate the molecules in his hand faster and faster until he was able to phase through the workings of Batman's chair. The gears then exploded. (1)

"Hey!" Batman punctuated.

"What is it?" Superman asked, his voice emanating from the tiny speaker in Batman's ear.

"I don't know; my- ugh, part of my chair just exploded and now it won't respond."

"Oh," Superman nodded. "Super ability to be exposed to vacuum - check." (2)

"I don't see anything back there," Wonder Woman said, but she wasn't really looking.

"Great. Now the chair's fixed for someone far shorter than me."

Wonder Woman sighed with a grumble. "Then I'll drive."

Wonder Woman wanted to talk about Flash all the way down to Earth, but she bit her tongue, not knowing quite what to say. The duo arrived just in time to see Clayface shake the gun which had stopped working when Green Lantern crushed it. Clayface threw it futilely at the Man of Steel.

"Now it'll be easier," Green Lantern said.

"I don't know. He's still Clayface," Batman shrugged.

"Never mind the fact that he's not alone," Hawkgirl pointed. Clayface was soon joined by Magenta, The Trickster, Top, Reverse Flash, and Captain Cold.

"Woah. Too bad Flash had to miss this."

"Too bad Flash had to miss what?" Flash said, speeding up behind them. He got a look at their faces. "Oh, you didn't really think I'd skip this party, did you?" He looked ahead of him and paled slightly. "But now I kinda wish I had."

Wonder Woman burst into tears.

"Jeez," Green Lantern said, "what happened to your hand?"

"Apparently, Batman's too tall," Flash answered with plenty of attitude.

Clayface laughed. "What's everyone doing over there? Scared of me, eh? That's fine; I can always turn my rage on the innocent inhabitants."

Clayface threw his arms out which were growing at an incredible speed. His huge fists smashed through the wall of an apartment complex.

· ¤§¤ ·

(1) There's an ability he doesn't use enough. I bet he's just sore that it works better when Barry does it.

(2) They never should have made him lose that one. What kind of super man can't exist in a vacuum? The kind who doesn't remember he has any super powers until the last fifteen minutes of the show, that's what kind.

· ¤§¤ ·

In regards to chapter three: I know, but they can't all be winners, right? Probably I shouldn't oughta have updated him by himself. He's better in the scheme of things. Oh, well. Next update: Maybe Thursday or sooner.


	5. Friend or Foe

"Hey!" Flash shouted. "That's my-!" 

Before he could finish complaining, the top few floors were ripped off and went sailing over the tops of the other buildings.

"At least I still have my quarters on the Watch Tower. Guys," he addressed the Justice League, "if we don't do something, people are gonna die."

The Justice League, led by Flash, yelled as they charged the line of villains. They scattered, doing things like flipping up backwards through the air to get an advantage when they landed or spinning at an incredible speed or using a specially-designed party favour that forced Flash on his knees, clutching his head from the sound, or whatever else they did to get away. Captain Cold just ran, but that's not really great.

J'onn made himself very dense and hit Trickster straight on, liberating Flash from his open captivity.

As soon as he was free, a familiar hand wrapped around Flash's neck.

"Oh, my Scarlet Speedster. It's been too long. I've been waiting for you." Magenta began lifting herself and Flash in the air, bending several iron girders as she did it. There was something different about her, but Flash couldn't put a finger on it.

"Sorry, babe. Red and pink don't go together." (3)

"You're quite the hero, you know. Too bad you were only," she snorted a laugh, "a Flash in the pan."

Before she could kill him, however, every other member of the Justice League pounced on the villainess. Flash stood up and brushed off his pants.

"And that's what you get for that pun."

Flash went speeding toward Captain Cold while trying to steer clear of his ice gun although he had yet to shoot at anything. Before Captain Cold could be reached, a ball of clay splatted around his left foot. Flash went crashing to the ground, twisting his ankle in the process.

Noticing what was on its merry way to his location, Flash desperately tried to pry off the clay footwear. It was not going. Right before he was about to try and vibrate his way out of it, a large transparent green (and might I say, really hard) wall slammed into him. It shoved him, the clay shoe, and a lot of the ground backwards about a hundred feet. Flash fell backwards when his ride stopped.

"Flash!" Green Lantern yelled, flying down to his location. "I missed," was his simple explanation.

Flash waved a flaccid hand to Lantern and opened his eyes. He sat up quickly, narrowly missing Hawkgirl's mace almost crushing his skull and splurting his brains all over the pavement.

Hawkgirl flew down to retrieve her fallen mace, apologizing sheepishly for dropping it. Green Lantern came to her aid.

"Oh, don't feel bad, Shayera. It's not your fault you dropped it."

"Um," Flash pointed. Another ball of clay was heading for him, this time aimed for his face. Lantern grabbed it out of the air and threw it at Top.

"That'll teach him to mess with my Shayera," Lantern said.

"Aww, this is all very sweet, but could someone get this off'a me!" Flash yelled.

Green Lantern put two fingers in his mouth and whistled. "Yo, Superman!"

Superman responded in a timely fashion, although his bedside manner left something to be desired.

"What!"

It's a pretty common reaction when the gum you just accepted from The Trickster explodes in your mouth and turns it blue, but it was still rude. (4) Rude or not, Superman punched The Trickster hard enough to send him flying backwards on his stolen, flying shoes and not get up again right away, then came over to Green Lantern. Only Batman noticed the slight shift in The Trickster's form.

"'Sup, Supes?" Flash said in that amiable but incredibly impatient way. He moved the leg owning the captured foot. "Think you could help out here?"

Superman shot it with his heat vision. The clay hardened and cracked, then broke into a dusty-orange powder with a decrescendoing _pfff_. (5) As soon as Flash was free, he ran (albeit with a slight limp) back into the battle.

"Hey!" Wonder Woman called, "Anyone see where Top and Reverse Flash went?"

Superman flew up to meet her. Lantern and Hawkgirl followed.

"I haven't seen Reverse Flash since everybody lined up."

"This does not bode well," J'onn said, solidifying beside them.

"Something isn't right here." Hawkgirl glanced at the scene below her. "Captain Cold is missing now, too."

"So what? He was just standing around anyway," Superman said.

"I know. Something isn't right here," she repeated.

"Lantern, bring Batman up here."

A large green hand grabbed the Dark Knight so he could be part of the impromptu meeting. He struggled against it until Green Lantern turned it into a platform.

Superman cocked his head to the side. "Super strength - check," he nodded.

Batman plopped himself down and sat Indian-style and pouted. Darkly.

"Have you noticed anything strange down there?" Wonder Woman asked him.

"Besides a polymorphic clay man aided by Flash's enemies? A little."

"We've not time to discuss it," J'onn reminded.

"Right," Superman agreed. "Something is going to hit, hard and soon. If we're going to keep Flash alive through this, we need to get him out of here."

"Without giving away why," Batman said. Wonder Woman scowled.

While the bad guys were busy swatting the police away like flies, Flash took the opportunity to find out why he was being ignored again.

"Hey," he said under them. As they were only about ten feet off the ground, there was no need for outside voices. "What's going on up there?"

Superman acted like he was still too high for the meeting to be directly interfered by Flash. "Flash is really going to have to L-E-A-V-E," he spelled.

"I can hear you," Flash said. "And I can still spell. And I'm not leaving."

"Who taught him how to spell?" he asked the group.

Remembering how J'onn had made such a lousy conduit, Batman said something low enough that only Superman could hear.

"The only way to save him is to piss him off," he barely whispered. "A mad Flash is better than a dead Flash."

Superman nodded with a raised eyebrow and pressed lips, not liking that he agreed. "He should be doing something while we talk," he whispered back. Batman furrowed his brow and barely shook his head.

"Oh, right," he said full voice. "Super hearing - check. Listen, Flash," Superman started, but Flash had already shot away. People were starting to get seriously hurt, and he couldn't let that happen.

"Batman said we need to make him mad," Superman told the rest of the group, "and that a mad Flash is better than a dead Flash."

"You'd think," muttered Lantern.

"If Lachesis has finished measuring and Atropos is about to cut, the only way we can save him is to take it up with them," Wonder Woman said. "And I know how. Word has it that Atropos tried to seduce Lachesis' boyfriend. I guess he likes older women. PS, Lord help the sister who comes between me and my man."

J'onn looked nonchalantly away as he thought to everyone without the slightest trace of an accent, _'Oy, that woman can be such a yenta.'_

_'Maybe you shouldn't watch the TV today,' _Green Lantern postulated.

"Where do you suppose we go, Diana?" Batman asked. "I doubt we can leave Flash by himself while we try and find these Fates of yours."

"I doubt we can leave Flash by himself while we're having this meeting," Superman said.

On the ground below, Reverse Flash screamed toward Flash. It was a little challenged and awkward, but he didn't have that far to run. Flash was grabbed around the throat with a strength he didn't remember Reverse Flash possessing, and Reverse Flash squeezed. The other enemies surrounding Flash wailed on him, resorting to physical blows instead of their powers as if they wanted to feel his life ebb away with their own hands. This seemed personal.

They, too, had a strength they didn't have before. This was especially noticeable when Captain Cold managed to break three ribs in one punch. Flash even noticed with a fading consciousness that the Captain didn't even have his cold gun anymore, not that he had used it today anyway. Without having anything better to do, he wondered, _'Maybe it's outta juice.'_ Then he didn't wonder anything anymore.

· ¤§¤ ·

(3) Red and pink do _not_ go together, and if I ever hear anyone say they do, I swear to Eminent Erinnyes . . .

(4) Seriously, who would accept anything from someone named "The Trickster?"

(5) I'm not entirely sure that's even a word, when something decrescendos like that. And I'm pretty sure that word I just used as an action verb is supposed to be the plural version. Uh, it gets my point across anyway.

· ¤§¤ ·

I agree with you, **Hatake Naruto**. Yeah, some of it crosses the threshold and spins off into ridiculousness. It depends on my sleep to caffiene ratio and how bored I am in class. I was actually going to upload an abridged version that left out some of the weirder stuff, but then I thought, "What the Hell?" It flows pretty well when you read it all together, I think, but I could be biased. Besides, I'm totally okay if you wanted to download the text and edit until your heart's content, then read it over and over and over and put your hands on your hips and knowingly tilt your head and say, "That invisiblescaper. She's really something else." And you'd better say it. I'll know if you don't.

By the way (not that I think anyone would do this, but just for the record), this is not license for anyone to download the text and edit until your heart's content, then put it up as your own. I'm _not _totally okay with that.

As for the phasing thing, that's what I found, too. But here's the beauty of humor/AU: not everything has to be perfect. Oy, some people are so strict about continuity, so if anything's out of line, I'll just chalk it up to it being an alternate universe. Hooryay for loopholes!

Oh, I'm leaving for Memphis tomorrowfor somewhere around a week. If I die on the trip, sorry. I guess the story'll have to end here, even though I'll probably finish the whole thing while I'm out there. Probably what'll happen is I'll finish it, get all the way back home, and get hit by a bus or something, ptoy, ptoy, ptoy. Wouldn't that be hilarious?


	6. Tricks

Hey! I made it! But that Ethiopian restaurant was so magnificent, I wasn't actually sure I'd be coming back. 

Really? Just two reviews? Well, I just don't know if I can update yet. 

. . . 

. . . 

. . . 

I CAN"T WAIT! 

Green Lantern snagged Flash's still form as the rest of the league attacked the circle of villains. As they began to use their powers again, Clayface sagged and went into an almost catatonic state. Everyone was too busy to notice him. 

"Flash? Flash!" Green Lantern tried to rouse the younger man. "Oh, come on, buddy. Let's wake up now." 

Flash groaned and his head moved with a twitch. His eyelids opened very slowly, settling at the point where his irises seemed nothing but mere slivers of colour, and he started to cough from the back of his throat. He stopped when he felt what it would do to his torso. Despite that, he still pushed himself to sit up. 

Lantern offered a hand to Flash, but Flash refused it. The pulling probably wouldn't help him anyway. Lantern watched his slow, hindered movement. 

"You okay?" 

"Just dandy; never better." 

"'Cause you seem a little . . . " 

"My ankle hurts." 

"Is that it? Because . . . " 

"Oh, yeah. And the _choking_ and the _beating_." 

Green Lantern didn't snap back at Flash's attitude. He was dreading having to do what had to be done and wondering how to go about it. Lantern really didn't want to do this. 

"Listen," he started, "maybe you-" 

Superman knew Lantern should not be the one to chase him off. Flash was going to need someone to go to for support, and that someone had to be Green Lantern. He came over to rescue Lantern. 

"What are you still doing here, Flash? I said you weren't coming. You disobeyed a direct order. There was a reason I said you weren't allowed to be here." 

Flash's brow drooped umbrageously. "I can hold my-" 

"You are not working at one hundred percent of your ability. I'm pretty sure you can, but you're not," he added smartly. 

"Hey! You guys haven't given me time to-" 

"If we had waited any longer, you'd be dead. Twice. Maybe you can take them on one at a time, but you're just a kid. Five is too many for you." 

It was a low blow. 

It was so low, in fact, that Flash stopped trying to stand. He stayed on the ground, too stunned to move. 

J'onn's voice appeared in Lantern's mind. 

_'Lantern, you should argue. Superman is willing to be the only bad guy.'_

"Now hold on there, fly boy," Lantern said. "That's uncalled for. Flash is one of the world's greatest heroes, and for you to just-" 

"He isn't today." 

"How many times has he saved all our butts? We'd have been killed several times over if not for Flash." 

"Gratitude is no reason to accept laziness. He is not doing his best right now." Superman addressed the man wearing an indescribable expression who was still on the ground. "Why don't you go play somewhere? The adults can handle this." (6) 

Superman flew back into the fight. Green Lantern started to call after him, but Flash stopped him. 

"Let him go, John." Flash used a near piece of wreckage to hoist himself up. "I'll just 'go play somewhere.'" 

Flash tried to speed off, but was stopped by his ribs and countless hairline fractures elsewhere. He pressed on anyway. 

"Was all that really necessary?" Lantern asked. Superman nodded with a pained expression. Lantern stared after Flash. "I think he's worse off than he's letting on." 

"We'll check him out at the Watch Tower." Superman fired his heat vision to crumble a building on Magenta. "I'm afraid I've made him too proud to admit anything. Now he's got something to prove." 

Batman finally noticed that Clayface wasn't taking any part in the fray. Instead, he was looking very serious, like he was concentrating really hard, not to mention overtaxed. He wondered where that clay that caught Flash came from, and then realized. 

"Superman!" Batman yelled. Superman flew down to the human on the ground. "I think Clayface learned a new trick." 

"What is it?" Superman asked excitedly. He was never one to pass up a good magic show. 

"Shoot someone with your heat vision." 

"WHAT?" Superman yelled. "That's what got us into this mess in the first place!" 

"Not exactly, but I see your point. Just shoot someone's finger or something." 

"I'm on it." 

Superman looked at Batman's finger while Batman was looking around for the person who would be exposed. 

"Ow!" Batman pulled his finger away and put it in his mouth. "Not mine! One of the bad guys." 

"Of course," Superman said, hitting himself on the forehead. "Super intolerance to pain - check." 

The Trickster looked down as his finger began to crumble into a dusty-orange powder. 

Clayface cursed, and every villain turned into a mass of dusty-orange clay and returned to their original body. 

"Wanna play like that, eh? I'm game." 

· ¤§¤ · 

(6) Jeez. That pisses _me _off. 

· ¤§¤ · 

Okay, so I updated anyway. But it was short! And that should learn you good. 

Has anyone figured out how to put two ending punctuations beside each other? This doc contained the second "What" I've tried to end with a question _and_ an exclamation mark, and the site just won't accept it. 


	7. Trucks

Well, that was almost a week. Hooryay for book reports! . . . Sigh. And it looks like my short chapter didn't learn you. Fine, then. Here's another short one that probably shouldn't be posted all by his lonesome, but he is anyway 'cause, you know, reports. I haven't written a book report since fifth grade, and even then I just recited the synopsis off the back. I didn't wanna read it. No laser guns. 

Anyway, now I'm in college and they want a written book report, which I've never done, about a book with no real plot or characters. How do you do that? I dunno, but I made it sound at least semi-intelligent by using big words in the right context, but there's no substance to the paper when you pay attention to it. It's literary technobabble. 

· ¤§¤ · 

Boy, was he incensed. 

Flash went speeding through town with a pronounced limp, which was a sight to see on its own, but the next was even more spectacular. He was just passing a construction site when the cables transporting an I-beam snapped. It was too quick even for him to see, especially with him being mad, hurt, and distracted as he was. 

Any faster and it would have opened his skull like an egg. Instead, the corner of the I-beam caught him between the Achilles tendon and the lateral malleous of his already-injured left ankle, severing the bundle of nerves and vessels housed in that area. (7) Pain shot through his foot and up his calf muscle, settling in the popliteal region. 

He audibly shuddered as he fell hard on the ground, annoying his already injured ribs. "Gah-!" he not-quite screamed and pulled his foot out from under the large metal stick. He continued to talk, nothing exactly a word, as a small panic set in. I suspected his calcaneous was fractured, but he had no time to think about that. Pain was clouding his vision, and he was loosing blood. It was slow but steady. 

The angry flesh swelled up proudly around the new feature which was now interlaced with his spandex suit. Flash bit the inside of his cheek as he forced himself to apply pressure to the wound and arrest the blood flow. He hesitantly pressed his hand to his ankle and shuddered again as the pain shot back through, this time up into his back with a twinge following all the way up to his scalp. Stinging tears welled in his eyes and streaked down his face with a speed only he could rival. 

With a few more hisses, Flash managed to staunch the flow. By this time, the wound and clot were hopelessly integrated with his costume. He wouldn't be taking it off any time soon. Wally walking around wearing Flash's shoe is a little noticeable. 

"Hey!" cried a construction worker. "Quit touchin' our stuff!" 

Flash rolled his eyes, but gave a friendly wave as he went to stand up. A wave of nausea hit him, and his stomach obediently emptied its contents. How well-behaved. 

"Aw, that's just gross!" yelled the worker. It was all Flash could do not to wave an obscene gesture at the man. But he was thinking about it. Hard. 

Gingerly, Flash took a step with his bad leg. No good. Not only could the ankle not hold his weight, something was off in his balance and back down he went. Standing up again, he wondered why he tried to take the first step with the bad leg. He grabbed a metal dowel and used it to help him get along. 

"I said quit touchin' our stuff!" The large man hefted himself up and made his way toward the makeshift elevator. Flash figured he should skedaddle. Now didn't seem the best time to engage anyone in a fight, _'Even if I could whup his butt.'_

As Flash hobbled along, the man reached the ground level. The construction worker bent over for air because he was winded, why not. 

"Were you riding in that or pushing it?" Flash called back with a chuckle. The worker (Flash kind of assumed him to be the foreman) narrowed his eyes. "Right, don't heckle; no heckling," he reminded himself in a whisper as he quickened his pace. 

Beaten, broken, swollen, and hurtin' like nobody's business, Flash was still faster than the foreman could have hoped to have been. He finally lost the larger man down a one-way street when he sidled up next to the wall of a building. Although a bright red and yellow spandex suit makes for not the best camouflage against a grey and concrete background, he still wasn't spotted. Flash heaved a sigh of relief and tried to catch his breath. That was a lot of moving for someone in his condition. 

He was able to relax as he stumbled into the street, that is, until he heard a loud horn to his right. He looked up into the headlights of a speeding truck. Flash turned to go out of the street and saw an identical truck, this one also going way too fast, turn onto the street. 

Flash dropped his stick as the second truck honked its horn. 

"Well, damn." 

· ¤§¤ · 

(7) I have heard this point referred to as the "aspirin point." Apparently it's supposed to relieve pain anywhere in the body. It's used by acupuncturists, so I'm pretty sure it doesn't include it being ripped open. I usually don't give my irony away, but that seemed a little too obscure. 


	8. Masks

"So how long did it take you to think up that 'Flash in the pan' crack, Clayface?" Batman asked. 

"On the spot," the massive Clayface answered. 

"Actually, he thought of it two weeks ago," J'onn corrected. "The only reason he took this job was so he could say it." 

"Oh, what do you know, greenskin?" Clayface insulted. 

"Everything you know. And I very well _could_ rival you as a legendary actor." 

Clayface grinned. The bottom row of thick, yellow teeth hung out of his mouth. Clayface grabbed the car beside him and chucked it at J'onn. J'onn became intangible. Hawkgirl, who did not have that ability, was floating right behind J'onn. This was not a good place to be. 

Hawkgirl paled. "Promiscuous Persephone," she said, real quiet-like, right before the car smashed into her. She went hurling back, far enough to be nothing more than a speck. 

"SHAYERA!" Green Lantern screamed. Instead of flying after her, he took it out on Clayface. This was just as well considering had he helped her, her pride would have been bruised. Then _he_ would have been bruised. 

Hawkgirl was falling toward the ground. Right before she hit, she regained consciousness and caught herself. Upon flying back to the fight to finish off Clayface once and for all, she heard horns blaring frantically. She searched out the source and saw something very distressing below her. 

Flash was caught in the middle of a one-way street. The two truckers on either side of him seemed to think that it went both one-ways at the same time. She saw him struggle to get across the street before he was squashed, but it was no use. There was no way he was going to make it. 

Hawkgirl swooped down and grabbed him under the arms seconds before he was obliterated by the two trucks. His dangling legs were making his ribs hurt so bad his eyes rolled back in his head, but Hell would freeze over before he'd say anything. 

Hawkgirl carried him awkwardly back toward the _Javelin._

"Look what I found," she said. 

"Heavens to Betsy!" Wonder Woman declared. 

Hawkgirl's face scrunched in anger. "What is wrong with you, woman!" she shrieked. 

"You can't carry him like that," Lantern complained. He took him from Hawkgirl, putting an arm under his knees and shoulders. "Support the head." 

At this point, Flash was a little delusional from the pain and said, "No, no, Santa. Doin' fine. But a racecar'd be great." 

Wonder Woman put the back of her hand on Flash's cheek. "He's burning up," she told them. 

"Really?" Hawkgirl asked. "I didn't notice anything." 

"I figured. It takes a woman's touch." 

Hawkgirl's wings fluffed and expanded as her eyes darkened. (8) 

"Making yourself look big, huh?" Wonder Woman examined Flash's ankle. "When was the last time you had your tetanus shot?" 

He managed to focus on her through the haze. "B-uh . . . " 

They were distracted (9) when a slab of concrete shot through their midst. The dispersed group coalesced and watched the fight end, in no way actually helping. Hawkgirl threw some punches into the air, just like she does when she watches boxing. 

Superman, Batman, and Martian Manhunter were the only ones left fighting Clayface, and Superman was clearly impatient. It had gotten to the point where they were repeating the same, maybe, four moves. 

"This is getting annoying." 

Superman finally cooked the outside of Clayface with his heat vision, trapping the behemoth in a hardened shell of his own flesh. 

Ew. 

Batman looked at the police who were still standing. "Keep him this time, will you?" 

Superman caught sight of Flash. "What's wrong with him now?" he asked. 

"I found him about to be crushed," Hawkgirl answered. "I don't think he can run with his leg like that. He was trying to get across the street before these two trucks made a Flash sandwich. Poor thing looked like a snail on a mission. I grabbed him just in time." 

Superman nodded. "Super flight - check." 

"How about you, Shayera?" Lantern asked. "That car hit you pretty hard. Why don't you take off your mask and let J'onn have a look?" 

Hawkgirl raised her eyebrows. "Who said this was a mask?" (10) 

It was Lantern's turn to raise his eyebrows. "What are you saying?" Lantern stared at Hawkgirl. 

"Go ahead and put him in the _Javelin_," Superman instructed. "He'll be okay on the Watch Tower." 

It was all Lantern could do to tear his scrutinizing eyes away from Hawkgirl, but Flash's delusion brought him back to reality. Flash looked right up to Green Lantern and, in a jovial English accent, said, "Oh, Father, but we don't like strawb'ries." 

"Oh." 

"Yeah." 

"He's been babbling like that for the past five minutes," J'onn said. 

"Really?" Green Lantern asked. "Did I go somewhere?" 

"You've been staring at my face," Hawkgirl said flatly. 

"You and J'onn get him checked out," Superman told Lantern. "We'll take care of this mess down here." 

"You know," Batman said, "for some of us, Lantern or the _Javelin_ are our only means of getting back to the Watch Tower." 

"Oh," Superman said. He looked around at the chaos the fight caused. "I'm not doing this by myself. Let's just go before anyone notices." 

Flash was loaded onto the _Javelin_, and everyone snuck away before they could be cornered into cleaning up. 

"I have something to help him sleep," J'onn offered. "It will allow some respite from the pain." 

J'onn opened the glove compartment of the _Javelin_ (11) and dug through all the junk that notoriously finds its way into glove boxes. (12) He threw out useless papers, old gum and candy, old gum and candy wrappers, scraps of notes, receipts, bank statements, pens, pencils, markers, a tiny sewing kit, and the manual. (13) 

J'onn finally found a bottle of pills in the among all the trash. He popped a couple in Flash's mouth and rubbed his throat to make him swallow. In a matter of minutes, Flash was out. He slept hard for about ten minutes. When he awoke, he was considerably more lucid. 

"Look who's up," Hawkgirl said in soft tones. She put a hand on Flash's. She glanced at Wonder Woman as if to say _I can be comforting, too, you know._

Wonder Woman figured Hawkgirl could initiate comfort, but no one would run to the big scary Thanagarian for comforting. This played on her face in the smug smirk she replied. And this pissed off Shayera. 

Hawkgirl squeezed Flash's hand. The tighter she squeezed, the more he was comforted, right? She made sure he was very comforted. 

"Hey!" Flash yelped. 

Wonder Woman chuckled. "Woman's touch," she said under her breath. 

Hawkgirl then comforted Flash 'till his fingertips were purple. Flash didn't want to say anything to set off Hawkgirl any more than she was already, so he left her at it. 

Hawkgirl was pleased. 

· ¤§¤ · 

(8) Catfight! 

(9) Drat it. No catfight. 

(10) If for no other reason than I always wanted that to just be her face. In my heart of hearts, she's not wearing a mask. 

(11) They never mention it, but really, what kind of high-tech, multi-million dollar space plane would it be without a glove box? Not a very good one. 

(12) It's a universal constant. 

(13) Everything but gloves. 

· ¤§¤ · 

So, anyone been watching the weather along the Gulf Coast? That's why this chap's taken me longer to load up. We've been under tornado watches and warnings for almost a week and nothing's been happening (although it was enough to make me keep my computer off), and then suddenly, there's this thunderstorm so huge that schools actually closed. Cars pulled off to the side of the few roads that were still open. People trapped inside their homes. Flooding. Accidents. Power outages. Oy, what a mess. I'm only used to this type of chaos in the fall when the windows are boarded up 'cause we got a hurricane a-comin'. And then, my parents were up at the hospital with my brother this morning because he had these two 5 and 6 mm kidney stones that have to be removed manually because he had the lithotripsy only a couple of months ago for a kidney stone the size of a Ping-Pong ball, and they can't do it again for a year because of damage. Then he wanted pancakes, so instead of making them, they decided to schlep us all the way over to the nearest Denny's through all the flooded roads and submerged cars. And now I find out I can't even post this today because of whatever fanfiction's doing with their database, so I guess I'll post this tomorrow except whenever you read this, it'll be today. 


	9. Luck

Flash struggled against the grip of the older man. He had been carried ever since Hawkgirl found him, and he was understandably sick of it. 

"Come on! Put me down. I can walk just fine."

Lantern sighed. He hadn't listened to him so far when he made the same argument in the hanger or in the corridor (several times).

"Besides," he added, "I'm in the infirmary, now. What could happen?"

Lantern pursed his lips together and, against his better judgment, complied.

Flash was able to take one step before he fell hard into some heavy wooden shelving. He bashed his head against one of the shelves and landed on the floor with his legs stretched out before him. He blinked to make the stars go away.

The shelving teetered.

Flash shook his head with a twitch.

The shelving tottered.

Shaking his head turned out to be a bad idea. He pulled up his knees and clutched his head against them.

The shelving teetered.

Flash grabbed his ribs as they decided to crash the party and remind him who was boss.

Lantern saw the hard oak shelf beginning to topple over onto Flash who had yet to notice anything. He reached out a hand, aided by a few green ones, and stopped its falling before it squished his friend. He didn't, however, stop the canisters from beating all around Flash's head, back, and shoulders.

"Hey!" Flash glared at Lantern when the barrage was over. He knew full well Lantern could have stopped the canisters, but chose not to. He rubbed one of the growing welts on his shoulder. "What was that for?"

"I've see a lot of things happen to you today that weren't your fault," Green Lantern said, "but that was just stupid."

As Flash was put onto the uncomfortable hospital bed, Superman and Batman came strolling near to the infirmary.

"We should have asked where Luthor is," Superman complained for the nth time.

"Luthor wouldn't have told Clayface," Batman argued back. Again.

"What if he makes another attempt on Flash's life?"

"We don't even know it wasn't coincidence that Flash happened to die in a fight with one of Luthor's hired hands." This conversation was old hat to Batman now.

"But what if it wasn't coincidence?"

"Then Luthor will show up again."

"And what if he kills Flash?"

"Then we'll burn that bridge when we come to it."

Superman stopped. "That's not a very good attitude."

"I'm known for not having a very good attitude."

Superman shrugged in agreement.

Batman caught Flash's stifled breathing. Flash gasped and his face contorted in a wince. "Something more is wrong with him," he told J'onn.

J'onn looked at Batman with a look that made it unnecessary for him to say, "Duh."

"Watch this," Superman said to Batman, then stared at Flash's chest. "Did you know he had three broken ribs, J'onn?" Superman asked as he turned off his x-ray vision.

"I could have told you that with a little palpating," Batman grumbled.

"Oh. I used my eyes."

"No. He wasn't even complaining of pain in his torso," J'onn said, looking hard at Flash for not telling him.

"Super x-ray vision - check." Superman walked out of the infirmary.

"I'll get him," Batman swore, then followed.

J'onn hadn't taken his eyes from Flash. "Why didn't you say anything?"

Flash shrugged, then regretted it.

"There's not much we can do about broken ribs except to ease the pain."

"Aren't you supposed to wrap them or something?" Green Lantern asked.

"Some people swear to that, but in the end it doesn't make much of a difference. Do you think you're going to be moving a lot?" J'onn asked Flash before he realized he knew the answer. "You're going to be moving a lot. They will be wrapped. First we must deal with this foot."

Wonder Woman appeared at the doorway. "Hey, Flash, how . . . are . . . " She started to slow down as she saw what kind of state he was in. A little gossip could cheer him up, but she only had one extra-juicy slice of gossip on her mind, and she wasn't allowed to say anything. Wonder Woman burst into tears and went wailing down the hallway.

"She's been doing stuff like that all day," Flash said, scratching his head. "What's that about?"

J'onn grabbed a batch of specially prepared Tetanus Bacillus and came toward Flash wielding the syringe.

"Whoa, hey! What do you think you're doing!"

"I'm giving you the Tetanus vaccine. Unless you want Tetanus instead."

"It's a shot? No, I don't like shots. Super heroes don't get shots."

He had expected this reaction. J'onn nodded to Green Lantern. Lantern showed Flash a photo of a man dying from Tetanus.

"What?" Flash asked dubiously. "He looks happy."

Lantern continued to show picture after picture until Flash conceded. Flash turned his face away and winced as J'onn inserted the needle, gave him the shot, extracted the needle, and for some time afterward.

Flash opened one eye and looked back. "Aren't you gonna do it?"

J'onn opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by Hawkgirl's head peeking around the doorway. Flash cradled his hand and glanced at Lantern. "Keep her away from me," he said quietly with an immobile smile plastered on his face.

"What's going on, Shayera?" Lantern asked.

"Oh, nothing. I just came by to check on Flash."

"Could you maybe look for Wonder Woman?" Lantern asked. Shayera's pleasant face fell into a scowl.

"Why do you want her?"

"We don't want her," he said, and Shayera lit up again, "but when she came by earlier-"

Hawkgirl stopped him right there. "She's already been by?" She let out a harrumph and stormed off.

J'onn continued to apply a local anesthetic around the wound on his ankle and stitched it together. "He has lost sufficient blood to be a problem, but not enough to warrant a transfusion," he told Green Lantern.

"So what are you gonna do?" Flash asked.

"I am going to pump you full of saline."

"What about my foot? I can't feel the left side of it."

"You have severed the nervous fibres. You will never be able to feel the left side of it. Nor will you be able to move it."

Flash opened his mouth to speak several times, but was speechless.

"This is new," Green Lantern said. "Isn't there some kind of wonderful Martian magic you could do? Throw some glitter on him or spew some gibberish you think is an incantation."

"I am not a witch doctor," J'onn bristled, not that you could tell. "Even if I was, I wouldn't help after that offensive request. Besides, I heard they deal mostly in chicken."

"What about running?" Flash finally asked with half a voice.

"It will take practice, but it is not impossible. No fine motor skills require the left side of one foot, and balance can be recalibrated."

Green Lantern smirked. "And anyway, with that ankle, you're not likely to be walking anywhere, much less running." Green Lantern motioned to a set of crutches.

"Freakin' kidding me."

As J'onn stuck Flash with an IV, Flash stared at the crutches. His brow was low and furrowed. After a few minutes, boredom set in. He just had to touch them. Just . . . a . . . tap.

Both crutches fell, catching the IV line. The needle was ripped out of his vein, and the pole and bag landed sharply right on Flash's head. As they bounced off, one hand grabbed the spot where they hit and the other hand was used for leverage, mostly forgotten. That is, until the metal pole landed on the remote for the bed.

The top of the bed moved upward. Flash's finger was squished as two metal bars that formed the undercarriage came together. He tried to yank it out, but it was too tight. So he yelled.

Green Lantern was able to stop the bed's movement before Flash's finger was completely severed. Lantern raised an eyebrow. "Okay, _that_ was just stupid," he corrected his previous assessment.

"Perhaps you should get him something to eat," J'onn suggested. "I don't think he has eaten since this morning, but I do think he might have better luck outside the infirmary."

Flash sat up and Green Lantern leaned the crutches against the bed. Flash made a point of heaving his entire body in a sigh to make sure everyone knew he was displeased.

"Let's go," Lantern said flatly. Flash stared at Lantern with a shallow anger as he grabbed the crutches and started for the door.

"Do you know how to maneuver with crutches?" J'onn asked, although he probably should have asked _before_ Flash started using them.

"Um, I think I know how to use crutches," Flash said snottily, and then stuck the rubber foot of the crutch in a mysterious wet spot about as quickly as he stuck his own foot in his mouth. "Whoooooooah!" he yelled as his crutches went one way and he went the other.

First, he landed on his wrist and bounced, then landed on his knee and bounced. Right before he landed on his neck and very nearly broke it (and probably not bounced), a glowing green hammock caught him.

"Do you know how to maneuver with crutches?" J'onn asked again.

"I think I have an idea now. Ow." Flash clutched his wrist close to him.

"Sprained it, didn't you?" Lantern asked.

"Nuthin'." Flash was dour, so he hobbled toward the kitchen.

Before Lantern could follow, J'onn grabbed his arm. "Don't let him out of your sight," he warned.

Lantern silently agreed and followed his friend.

· ¤§¤ ·

No footnotes for him. I'll tell you what I'll do. Here's a preview of the next installment. It has been edited for time or whatever my excuse is.

· ¤§¤ ·

"Get ... the ... e ... to ... an ... u ... n ... n ... e ... r ... y ... !"

Superman ... half-freezed ... .

" ... Christmas ... would ... help ... the blisters ... ." muttered Lantern ... .

Flash ... was reminded of ... watching ... the ... horse ... flying.

(P)arallel ... middle, ... landing ... heroic ... ly ... , ... replied ... , ... "(I)nspecting ... titanium ... hit ... s ... the wall ... . ... "

(O)bvious ... puncture ... nonchalantly ... cause ... ed ... something ... to ... (h)mm ... voodoo. ...

Sarcastic ... comerades ... shrugged ... .

(O) ... ne really ... w ... on ... .

(N)ow ... he did.


	10. Lunch

"Get in there before you hurt yourself again," Green Lantern said. On the short trip from the infirmary to the kitchen, Flash had almost been crushed by falling light fixtures, almost been broiled by an exhaust vent that had inexplicably been left open, and almost been run down by Superman's new Go Kart.

"Hey, quit shoving."

Lantern shoved him one more time, just 'cuz, which rendered Flash's crutches useless since he went flying into the wooden knife display. He was fine, maybe a little sore from hitting the counter and the knife handles, but he was mad enough he might as well had been stabbed. (14)

One crutch clattered to a stop by the stove. Hawkgirl lifted a pot of boiling water she had made up for coffee and didn't notice the rubber tip of the crutch lying right behind her foot. She turned.

I know what you're thinking, but it didn't happen. Hawkgirl felt it on her toe just in the nick of time and hopped gracefully over it, landing safely on the other side. But then her wing tip became tangled between her feet and she lurched forward. The boiling water flew across the kitchen and landed right on Flash's chest.

"AHH!" Flash screamed.

"Apocalyptic Athena! I'm sorry, Flash! Ooh." Hawkgirl attempted to cover her mouth with her hand but balled it into a fist instead. You know, like how you do when you spill boiling water on The Flash. (15)

Superman, who was just passing by, hit him with a blast of ice breath which, while it stopped the burning, half-freezed his chest and sent him spiraling back into the knife display.

"Jiminy Christmas, big guy," Flash said, coming to a rest on the floor of the kitchen. "A simple ice pack would do."

"Just trying to help. Next time I'll just let the blisters form."

Flash sulked on the floor. "Blisters?" he muttered. "On _my_ chest, the envy of all mankind? No way."

Lantern returned his crutches to him, but Flash decided to stay where he was long enough for his chest to thaw.

In the open area outside of the kitchen, Batman was practicing throwing his batarangs about with Wonder Woman watching excitedly on the sidelines. I was reminded of a high school football practice with the star-struck cheerleaders watching from the bleachers, and the hormone-driven football players strutting their stuff for the star-struck cheerleaders watching from the bleachers.

"Throw one over there," Wonder Woman suggested. Batman gave a half smile and heaved his batarang. Unfortunately, he did it just as Flash was coming out of the kitchen.

Batman's voice rang through the open room. "Look out!"

Flash felt a stabbing pressure. He looked down to see a batarang protruding from his shoulder. "Natch," he said before the pain hit him.

Besides the pain, Batman hit him in an attempt to get him out of the way before the batarang could reach him. Now, when I say "Batman hit him," I mean slammed into him, more like, with all the force he had. Going with the football analogy, it was like when the quarterback . . . and then the first baselinebackerman . . . with the goalie . . . you know, fell off his . . . horse . . .

Okay, so sports I don't get. Enough sports analogies. But if I didn't know better, I would have thought Batman was flying. He was completely parallel to the ground when he grabbed Flash around the middle, sending them both hurling back. Flash landed in the wall with a _crack._ Luckily for Batman, there was a nice, soft Flash to cushion his landing.

"That was so heroic," Wonder Woman swooned.

"Holy Hestia, Batman!" Hawkgirl yelled.

"You remind me of someone when you do that," he replied.

"Really? Who?"

Batman paused. "I don't remember."

Superman was walking by again and took out his notepad. "Super memory - check." He turned to make another pass. (16)

"Man, you really got him." Green Lantern was inspecting the dent in the NASA-grade titanium wall where Flash's head hit. He looked down at the kayoed body on the floor. "And look. He still got stabbed."

"Yeah, but . . . it hit him in a nonfatal place," Batman defended.

Lantern handed Batman's batarang back to him.

"Uagh," Flash groaned as he came to. He clutched his head. "Super headache - check," he moaned. He hissed as the movement of his arm caused the stab wound in his shoulder to yell at him. He didn't even want to think about the pain his ribs were causing, and the crash into the wall and the ensuing tumble down the length of it broke open the stitching on his ankle. He leaned to the side and threw up. It was all he could do to keep himself from passing out in the puddle of acid, mucous, and blood.

Green Lantern grabbed Flash's shoulder and pulled him back upright where he promptly lost all semblance of consciousness. "There's blood in this," he stated (the obvious).

"You probably knocked one of his broken ribs to puncture something," Hawkgirl told Batman.

"I don't think so," Batman said. "I bet it's a bleeding ulcer."

"Never your fault, huh?" Hawkgirl asked. Batman gave a curt nod.

"There's a little cut in his esophagus," Superman pointed nonchalantly. (17)

"How'd that get there?" Lantern asked.

"I didn't _cause _it," Superman scoffed. "Duh."

"Could you do something about this?" Green Lantern gestured toward the bleeding ankle. Superman used his heat vision and cauterized the reopened wound.

"I'm taking him back to the infirmary, then he'll probably go to his quarters. J'onn doesn't want him staying in there with all those sharp objects."

"I don't know where J'onn is. He left the infirmary as soon as you did."

"Hmm," Green Lantern "hmmed" as he lifted Flash's full weight. "He's probably off doing Martian things. Or voodoo things. Or J'onn things."

Batman sighed. "Then go check the giant space laser, or the shrunken head symposium, or the-" He stopped his sarcastic reply to glance at his comrades. They shrugged. No one really knew what J'onn did. "Y-Y-You know what; just go."

So he did.

· ¤§¤ ·

(14) And that's why you don't shove cripples. Found _that _out the hard way.

(15) Who hasn't?

(16) I think he's just sauntering around the station. Maybe he's exercising. I mean, if he's just naturally strong because of the yellow sun, then there would be no resistance for him to build those muscles. He's got plenty of reason - no one who will be donning spandex should be indistinguishable from the StayPuff Marshmallow Man, but can you imagine how much stronger he is than other Kryptonians? He must exercise _all_ the freakin' time.

(17) No worries. It doesn't go through the esophageal wall. An aneurysm just ruptured from all the coughing. This can actually look like someone's bleeding to death because they will undoubtedly purge due to the stomach's hatred of blood, but it's not that bloody for him. He's been coughing a lot. I'd guess the acid from the earlier nausea didn't help the aneurysm none, neither. I couldn't rely on Superman to explain this with any understandability.

· ¤§¤ ·

Is **DACKER SPANIEL** still out there? 'Cause I've got news for you that you might not find so thrilling. My sister has been emailing people to find out when they're going to put certain shows on DVD like _The Nanny_ and the next season of _Barney Miller_ and _Perfect Strangers_ and _Night Court_ and she sent one to Disney to find out about _DuckTales_ for me because I'm still completely in love with that show and they sent a letter back to her that said something along the lines of "What is a _DuckTales_?"

That sucks goose butt. Serious goose butt.


	11. Votes

"We might want to keep a closer eye on him," Superman said as soon as Green Lantern had left with Flash. "He's really having a bad day." 

Wonder Woman groaned. "I thought we were done with all this Flash-dying stuff."

"It could be that he was meant to die today, and we stopped it," Batman hypothesized. "The time-space continuum tends to hate that."

"So what do we do about it?" Hawkgirl asked. "We can't very well keep him chained up."

"No, but he should be kept under constant surveillance," Batman said. "I say in the brig since it's toward the centre of the station and is relatively isolated from anything dangerous."

"I'm not sure the brig is necessary," Superman said. "He'll be fine in his room."

"I say we vote on it," Wonder Woman supplied. "You know, the Greeks-"

"No voting," said Superman, not because he was acting like a Justice Lord as was the impression, but because he was so sick of hearing about those blasted Greeks.

"Aren't you going to stand up for me?" Wonder Woman asked Batman.

Batman shrugged. Wonder Woman punched him in the arm and flew away. Hawkgirl went somewhere, too, 'cause I'm done with her in this scene.

"Trouble in paradise?" Superman asked. He was ignored, but he continued. "You know, girls never hit me. I think it's because I have super powers."

They started for Flash's room so they could inform him of their decision to ground him. Before they reached Flash, Superman leaned in close to Batman. "Super leadership ability - check."

"Now you're just making stuff up."

"It's a little thing I do."

A few minutes later, Flash's rest was broken when the door beeped. He sighed as his head lolled around to see the door, like that would help at all. (18) He finally decided to get up and open it.

Superman and Batman were housed in the doorway, looking very serious.

"You're going to get wrinkles if you keep that up, guys," he said with a halfhearted grin.

"We've come to a decision," Superman said. "It's like this-"

"You're staying in your room," Batman interrupted, cutting right to the point.

"What?" Flash snorted. "I'm grounded now?"

"It's for your own good," Superman said paternally.

"In other words, we've got too much to do to save you from every heavy object or projectile on the station," Batman said, um, siblingally.

"You get some rest-"

"And stay out of our way."

Flash screwed up his face. "Have you ever thought of taking this act on the road? You'd kill doing Vaudeville."

Batman closed the door as a reply to Flash's sass mouth. He turned to return to the command deck and get their sensors back into shape. Superman stood in front of the door for a minute before following Batman.

"You really think we'd make it big?"

Batman did not respond.

Before Flash could lie back down, there was a knock on his door followed by, "Flash? I got you something. It's to make you feel better."

Flash opened the door and saw Wonder Woman holding a plush gorilla toy.

"Um, I'm not so much a fan of monkeys anymore," he said, but tried to take it anyway.

Wonder Woman grip tightened on the gorilla when she saw his crutches and his bandaged torso and head and his wrist and that puncture wound and burst into tears. He was supposed to die today, sometime, and it was just killing her she couldn't tell him about it.

"It's not that bad, Princess," he said, trying to ease her pain that he didn't like her gift. Wonder Woman dropped the gorilla and flew away, covering her eyes as she was not able to stand to look at the poor man any longer.

Flash cocked his head and used a crutch to knock the gorilla into his quarters. "Eh," Flash said as he looked at the toy, "I'm not keeping this monkey."

On the command deck, Batman had just finished fixing the sensor console. No sooner had he put the protective cover on it did it begin to show very strange readings.

"There's a hull breech somewhere," he said. "Now several."

"Does it say where?" Superman asked.

Batman punched some buttons on the console and a schematic of the Watch Tower appeared on the big screen. One cubby was blinking red.

"That's Flash's quarters."

· ¤§¤ ·

(18) It's the same like what people do when announcements come in over an intercom and they have to look at it. Maybe they see something I don't.

· ¤§¤ ·

Oh! Hey . . . um . . .

I got nothin'.


	12. Monkees

"Super intuition - check," Batman said as they raced toward Flash's room. They had been hoping he would open the door himself, but by the time he had noticed a problem, the pressure difference was already to great for his waning strength.

They had seen the real-time feed from Flash's quarters. They saw Flash struggle to open the door and claw at his throat. Just before he collapsed from lack of oxygen, something flitted across his face. Batman had seen that look before. Shoot, most of the time, he was the one who caused the realization of one's own impending death. That's when they took off.

Superman touched the door. "Stand back," he told Batman.

Superman heard Batman's intake of breath as he braced himself. His super fingers sunk into the metal of the door and he pulled the whole thing off its track.

The micro-fractures had spread to macro-fractures as the vacuum of space began claiming things from Flash's room. Flash himself was skidding along the floor toward the far wall, and Superman grabbed him and his crutches (and inadvertently the gorilla plush which happened to be caught on the latter).

No sooner had he gotten a hold of Flash did three fractures meet and an entire chunk of the wall was pulled away. Batman was nearly pried from his bracing as the full force of space was in effect. When the Watchtower security system finally picked up on the problem, a force shield was place in the doorway, and the entire room behind it broke away and disappeared, carrying everything left that Flash owned into oblivion.

"Jeez," Superman said. "Flash is not going to be happy when he wakes up."

Wouldn't you know it? Superman was right.

"You mean my place on Earth is spread over four square miles of the city, my place up here is . . . isn't, and all I have left is this _stupid_ _monkey_?"

Yeah, Superman was really right.

"That's a gorilla," Batman said.

"That doesn't help!"

"Gorilla's aren't good luck for you, are they?" Lantern asked.

Flash gestured. (19)

"We'll set up a place for you," Superman assured. Flash's stomach growled loudly to make sure he wasn't forgotten. He still hadn't been filled. "In the meantime, why don't you and Lantern go down and eat something?"

"While the _adults_ take care of things up here?" Flash asked, his eyes narrowed.

"Let it alone," Lantern advised.

Flash did, but he wasn't happy about it, and a bottom lip jutted out to show everyone just how he felt.

Green Lantern brought Flash down to Earth courtesy of his ring, and took him to a little place he knew. Unfortunately, that little place was closed, forcing them to find something else. In the process, they had to cross a street. Guess what.

"Yoink," Lantern said, and yoinked Flash out of the way of a runaway taxi. "We're going to this diner right here," he decided aloud. "You don't need to spend any unnecessary time down here where you can get trampled by elephants or something."

Lantern put Flash on the ground and Flash looked at the prospective eatery. (20)

"I haven't heard such good things about this place," he complained.

"Elephants," Green Lantern repeated, and dragged Flash into the diner, plopping him down at a booth. By the time Flash had uttered his, "Ugh," of disgust at the establishment, the waitress was right there, her eye on Green Lantern.

"What can I get for ya?" she asked Lantern as Flash scoured the menu.

"I want the ham, and spice it up a little, huh?" Flash answered.

"Chevy Chase on white, and make him burn!" the waitress called halfheartedly. "How about you, sugar?" She smacked her gum as if it was supposed to be attractive or something. Ain't nothin' sexier than a big wad of sugar been coated in someone else's saliva and mucous and making noises so annoying you want to rip out all your hair, I'll tell you that right now.

"They should work on their diner lingo," Flash mused under his breath.

"I'm not eating here. Are you crazy?" Lantern said, and got a very dirty look from Flash.

"You watchin' yer figure?" she asked with a lilt. "'Cause I am."

"That's great; could you get him his sandwich?" Lantern asked impatiently. She winked and twitched her nose, then walked toward the kitchen.

"I think someone likes you," Flash gibed.

"Shut up."

Flash made kissy noises toward Green Lantern. It was then that the waitress returned with Flash's sandwich.

"Oh," she grinned in understanding. "I didn't realize you were . . . _with_ your friend here. Now I get it." She clucked her tongue.

"No, you don't get it." Green Lantern covered his face from embarrassment.

"How long have you two been together?"

Flash watched in amusement as he ate his ham sandwich, his eyes darting back and forth between the grinning waitress and the ever-growing-rosy Green Lantern. He was secure enough in his manhood.

"We're _not _together," Lantern said through clenched teeth.

"Right. Two high-profile men like yourselves need to keep stuff like that under wraps. Gotcha."

"No, you-"

"Say no more. I don't know a thing, darlin'." With that, the waitress turned on her heel and went back to the kitchen.

"Well," Flash said, his mouth full, "I guess you don't have to worry about her flirting with you anymore."

"Eat your damn food."

Green Lantern looked up at his friend. He was happy to see some color returning to what part of Flash's face he could see. "Feeling better?" he asked. He didn't get an answer, but figured Flash was very happy to be eating.

The next time he looked up, Flash's skin tone almost matched his costume. "That's a little too much color. Too hot for you?" Lantern jabbed. He leaned back, pillowed his arms behind his head, and drawled, "Yep, a meal ain't a meal if your nose don't run." He then noticed how puffy Flash's face was and that his eyes were bulging from his mask. When he still didn't get an answer, he realized it was because Flash was busy struggling to inhale.

"Batman!" Green Lantern yelled into his transmitter. "Medical emergency; use that transfer beam jiggity and get us up there _now_!"

· ¤§¤ ·

(19) I don't know how to describe it. I've been trying to figure it out for the last five minutes. I mean, I'm doing it. There. Just did it. Kinda gettin sick of doing it, too. Okay, you know when you've been saying something for weeks and suddenly the person you've been telling just says it like it's some huge epiphany, or maybe they just state the so-obvious-that-plants-understand-it kind of obvious and you're in a really bad mood anyway because someone just towed your car and spilled juice all over your thesis for the medical board, so you widen your eyes and kinda nod curtly, kinda swivel, and kinda lean forward with your head and you can say, "Yeah," or not, the point gets across anyway? That's what he's doing. I don't know how to say that. And your eyebrows raise. Forehead wrinkles. Close to punching them. Real close.

(20) That is, could have been a decent place to eat when it opened had they stuck to the plans, or maybe it served edible food in another dimension.

· ¤§¤ ·

Sorry this one took so long to churn out; I've got finals coming up. Boy, college sure gets in the way of my free time, I gotta tell you.


	13. Corridors

"Severe anaphylactic shock," J'onn diagnosed. "According to the RAST, you have a violent allergy to ham." 

"Nooooooooo!" Flash screamed. 

"He's never had an allergy to ham before," Lantern said. "How could it show up now?" 

"You must be introduced to something with a protein, and the next time that protein is encountered, the body launches an attack. They can form at any time." 

"Sounds bogus to me," Lantern muttered. 

"Like a curse or something," Flash said, very upset he could no longer eat pig. 

"You sure you're not a witch doctor?" Lantern asked. J'onn glared at him. 

"I am not a witch doctor," J'onn said in a low voice, "but if I were, you could expect several incantations that would not work in your favour." 

Green Lantern scrutinized J'onn. "Whatchu saying? You got voodoo dolls of me or something?" 

"I'm going for a walk," Flash declared. 

As Flash traipsed down the corridor followed by Batman and Green Lantern who were engrossed in a conversation that Flash just _knew _was about him and his fate, the wall next to him exploded. Had Flash been able to describe it, he would have said that it exploded with the force of a thousand suns, not that he thought that analogy was accurate or anything. He was just thinking about this awful poem he read in high school so the gorgeous girl who had written it would think him sensitive and romantic and that he liked her poetry. That ship didn't sail because he couldn't stop laughing, but that phrase always stuck in his mind (and, trust me, it wasn't because it was one of the better parts). 

What does that even mean? The countless nuclear reactions occurring inside a thousand suns? Maybe the combined heat or light from a thousand suns. It couldn't mean the explosion itself. Admittedly, I have never seen a thousand suns plow through a bulkhead, but I don't think that'd be very much like it. 

Anyway, the wall 'sploded outwards with the force of a thousand suns. The being that exploded the wall, an almost cytoplasmic green thing with eyes dotting all over its surface except around the gaping hole what could be called a mouth only by Julia Roberts, grabbed Flash around the middle with its slimy tentacles and started bringing the squirming super hero to a very yucky end. 

"Hey!" Flash yelled. Believe it or not, it didn't help. 

Batman threw a batarang at it. It sunk to the inside of the creature and popped one of the suspended air bubbles. No ill effects could be seen except that the batarang dissolved. 

J'onn appeared at the end of the hallway. 

_'Bongo, no,' _J'onn reprimanded mentally. 

Bongo squealed at J'onn with a sound somewhere between a whale and a dump truck. 

_'You know you're not fed today,' _J'onn reminded. 

Bongo whinnied and flung his tentacles around in wild gestures, thrashing Flash all over the place. Then he shook Flash toward J'onn with a pleading, "Sque-e-eak." 

_'Stop that.'_

Bongo dropped Flash, cried, and scuttled back to his room. Flash stayed where he was, not exactly sure was just happened. 

"J'onn," Batman asked, "is there something you forgot to tell us?" 

"Uh . . . " J'onn pondered, "no." J'onn became translucent and went through the floor. 

Meanwhile, Green Lantern was attending to Flash. He made sure everything was where it should be and helped him up. 

"That's it," Batman said, pointing a finger at Flash. "You get on the brig and you stay there." 

Flash blinked. 

"Ouch!" 

"What is it now?" Lantern asked. 

Batman pulled down his eyelid. "He somehow got an eye infection that could potentially threaten his life and/or his sight. (21) Now brig. March. Lant-" 

Before Green Lantern could be roped into baby sitting, he said, "I'm gonna find J'onn and tell him to put his voodoo monster outside." 

"B-" Batman started, but Lantern was already running down the corridor. Batman sucked some air through his teeth and looked at Flash. 

"Well, let's go." 

"'Scuse me? Listen, Bats, I'm not going to be locked up in the brig like some common super villain. 

Batman nodded, said "Okay" without a voice, and turned away slightly. Before Flash knew what was happening, he was wrapped in a net and found a taser pressed into his tummy. That way, Batman was able to drag Flash and his crutches to the brig as one convenient package that didn't get too mouthy. 

"You'll be better off up here," he said, then went to the adjoining room and watched the security feed from the brig. 

Batman was a little surprised to see Flash was able to wriggle out of the net, but it was at superspeed. (22) Then he saw Flash attempting to speed up his molecules to get out of the brig. He opened a comm and said, "None of that, now." Flash stopped, not because of Batman, but because of the discomfort on his face. 

Batman kept an eye on Flash's vitals. He noticed his heart rate become increasingly erratic. He shook his head. 

"I'm not falling for it, Flash," he said onto the brig. 

Flash continued to clutch at the offending muscle as his heart monitor continued to beep wildly. 

"Give it a rest. I've seen you do this; maybe next time you should try fooling someone who doesn't know this trick." 

The EKG was now all over the map. Batman sighed and waited to Flash to stop it. He knew there was no way at Flash's age his heart would be doing this. Of course, how old did Flash's heart think he was? That kinda stuff can be corrupted by his metabolism and super speed. That's a lot of strain to put on anything. Don't forget either that too much epinephrine can damage the heart and its vessels, and Batman figured Flash had more than enough on his own, never mind the shot he had for his anaphylaxis. Then there was the date . . . 

Flash and his heart monitor went still just as Batman had mostly convinced himself that it was an all-too-probable possibility. 

"Foot," Batman said, still half-suspecting it to be another hoax, but that half wasn't driving his legs. He ran to the brig, opened the door, and received a crutch to the face. 

On his way out, Flash spied the hat rack. He snagged J'onn's John-Jones hat and trench coat, threw them across his back, and ran for the airlock. 

"Better off up here my butt," he muttered. 

For the second time that day, Flash secreted to the _Javelin_, but this time chose to drive himself rather than stow away. 

'_It didn't work out ideally last time_,' he remembered uncomfortably, waving the fingers on the scathed hand. 

But then there was the problem of him not being sure exactly how to work the damn thing. Flash wiggled in the seat, rubbed his hands together, and decided to have a go at it. Time was not an issue. He was assured by the fact that Batman was the only one aware of his being trapped in the brig, and he was confident in the workmanship of it. It was, after all, designed to hold people with super powers, especially safeguarded against the members of the Justice League if they should ever turn. Batman was considerably less super than the others. (23) 

"Sweet," he said as he felt the _Javelin _hum to life. He shot out of the Watch Tower, saw, tethered to a protrusion, Bongo squealing piteously to be let back inside, did a few loop-de-loops, and said with a grin, "I think I'm getting the hang of this." He finally headed toward Earth and wondered if anyone had found Batman yet. 

Speaking of, Batman came to and saw the metal walls of the brig. He touched the panel by the door. Instead of its cheerful _beep_, it made a sullen _buzz_. He didn't seem to understand that meant it wasn't working (they never do) and tried a few more times to open the door. 

"Double foot," Batman said. He then tried prying open the door, bypassing the door's lock in the panel, and blowing up the door with a bat-grenade. 

Nothing was working. He sat down, propped his chin in his hands, stared at the camera watching the brig, and waited to be rescued. 

We now rejoin Flash who has busied himself with finding the cause of the blaring hoots and red lights and why exactly the _Javelin_ won't respond to the GO UP AND QUIT CRASHING command. 

The _Javelin_ spun helplessly toward the upcoming ground. Flash covered his eyes. 

· ¤§¤ · 

(21) That's good, Alba. I hadn't thought of that. 

(22) I'm not sure what to call superspeed wriggling. Is that dancing? 

(23) But that's why he's way awesome. 

· ¤§¤ · 

Methinks we're nearing the end. Are you excited? 


	14. Concerns

They met in the entertainment room hoping by some slim chance that Flash had been in there. Unable to find Flash after the _Javelin's _disappearance, it was no trouble for the Justice League to figure out what happened.

Hawkgirl stepped close to Wonder Woman.

"Wonder Woman?"

Wonder Woman was in no mood to take any more crap from Hawkgirl, but Hawkgirl's wavering voice and deep eyes spoke to her maternal instincts. Something was deeply upsetting Hawkgirl, and her anger disappeared.

"What is it?" Wonder Woman asked gently. Hawkgirl stretched her hand across her chest to grab the opposite arm and bit her lower lip.

"If Flash dies down there-"

"He won't," Wonder Woman assured.

"But if he does," she said strongly. It was obviously very important she say what she had to say. Something was eating her up inside. "But if he does, and we become the Justice Lords . . . " Hawkgirl paused as she examined her feet.

"Go on," Wonder Woman prodded, placing a supportive hand on Hawkgirl's shoulder. Hawkgirl finally made eye contact with Wonder Woman.

"Are you really going to have a mullet?"

Wonder Woman stiffened and withdrew her hand. "Confound it!"

"Don't you mean-"

Her teeth clenched. "I am this close to breaking your chicken face," she said, spreading her thumb and index finger apart just a fraction of an inch. "I can't believe she's still on about that," Wonder Woman muttered as she stormed out of the room. Then her head appeared around the door frame.

"And to answer your question, I am now."

Hawkgirl looked as though she might cry.

J'onn sat down on the couch. "I will watch the channels . . . and scan small areas with my mind. I cannot guarantee any results." (24)

"Do what you can," Superman said.

"Yes, of course."

Superman, followed by a sniffling Hawkgirl, walked out to the corridor where Green Lantern was waiting.

"I think I know where he might be," Green Lantern said. "Probably he's gone t-"

Raucous laughter erupted from the entertainment room followed by J'onn's voice saying, "Oh, George Jefferson, you slay me."

"We never should have gotten cable in there," Superman sighed. "Say," he said suddenly, "has anyone seen Batman?"

So anyway, Flash was in the process of yelling at the _Javelin _since pulling all the levers and pushing (then later smashing) all the buttons didn't do anything.

As the underlying hum of the _Javelin _subsided, the cabin lights flickered out and left only the natural light coming through the windshield. (25)

The missing hum wasn't noticed because the wind was making a sound like Godzilla and a banshee had a baby (which is enough to drown out any sound you could ever hope to hear), but he really missed the artificial light when he tried to read the gauges. (26)

The battery backup kicked on the lights and he was able to see the problem.

"Right," he felt himself say even though he couldn't hear it. "Gasoline's expensive."

He looked through the windand/ordustshield and saw it was a hair's width away from being a cementshield.

"Oh, sh-"

He dropped to the floor and rolled under the consoles just as the nose of the _Javelin _impaled the street, bounced, landed mostly supine, bounced again, crumpled the tail end of the jet on the next impact, bounced once more, and crashed its belly into the street. There was another little bounce, but not enough to flip the plane, and I'm sure you expect me to say that Flash followed in suit and went tumbling along in the same pattern as the _Javelin _and was thrown all over the ship or something crazy like that. He did. You get a cookie. If you thought he broke anything, put it back.

Surprisingly, he was only covered in minor cuts and bruises and maybe he sprained something. But the crash wasn't over yet. There was enough potential energy in the _Javelin _to keep it moving. It went skidding toward the nearest warehouse, shearing the belly of the _Javelin _to pieces as it scraped over the pavement.

The now-called aluminumwallshield of the _Javelin _was still intact (27) which was more than could be said of the aluminum wall or some pillars and the adjoining support beams or part of the roof.

The _Javelin _continued on its warpath (Flash had ducked and covered - he's doin' fine) which must be costing the city obscene amounts of money, but it slowed down enough for the roof's caving in to catch up, in turn allowing the _Javelin _to be buried by rubble. That stopped the used-wad-of-Kleenex-shaped space plane moving.

The crash was finalized by a gentle metallic tinkling. Then the airbag deployed.

Flash was very still. He wasn't sure if the cacophony that had been bombarding the _Javelin _stopped or if he was just deafened by it. He ventured a peek from under his arm. What used to be the roof covered the not-even-scratched rubbleshield, and the lights had gone out at some point during the crash, so he couldn't see anything. He wasn't entirely sure he was still alive, but upon moving he didn't think being dead could hurt that much.

He unfolded himself and groped clumsily around in the darkness. He managed to grab his crutches and J'onn's clothes. His eyes soon adjusted to accordingly and he could detect dim traces of light through the rubble on the buriedaliveshield. It couldn't have been that densely covered.

Flash used the handle of a crutch and smacked the windshield so he could get out. For no other reason than a plot device and that I deemed it be, the invulnerable windshield shattered. I'm bored with it anyway.

Maybe it had been under just enough stress from one direction that attacking it with a crutch from the other was the proverbial straw or maybe the windshield's built like those arches. You know the ones. They've got those keystones. However it happened, broken glass, metal, wood, and dirt rained down all around Flash. Why he didn't just open the door I'll never know.

Anyway, he shimmied out of the _Javelin _and threw on his ill-gotten trench coat and hat before lumbering outside to get his bearings. He didn't need anymore attention than he'd gotten already and I think he might have thought that by hiding his red and yellow suit, I wouldn't know where he was. Heh. Ignoramus.

A crowd gathered to see what all the fuss was about smack dab in the middle of downtown like people do, and Flash slipped into the midst of them without so much as a howdoyado. He feigned being interested for a minute before he saw the movie theatre across the street.

He tugged at the lapels on his new coat and said, "Well, I was going here anyway."

I'm sure Green Lantern wished he had left a note if that's where he wanted to go.

"I don't think he's here," Superman said. A rhinoceros ran by. "And did you really have to destroy all the fences and habitats looking for him?"

Green Lantern shrugged. "I thought he'd be here."

A whole mess of penguins waddled by and one chirped curiously at J'onn. J'onn turned into that huge snake thing and scared it away. Wonder Woman hit him playfully, but firmly.

Superman crossed his arms. "Why would he be at the zoo, Lantern?"

"Why not?"

Even Superman couldn't argue with that logic. "But was it really worth that?" He pointed at Hawkgirl who had been singing ever since she found out they were breaking into a zoo. They had to break in because by now it was nighttime, but they probably would have broken in anyway. It was that kind of day.

"#Lantern's taking us to the zoo tomorrow, zoo tomorrow, zoo tomorrow. Lantern's taking us to the zoo tomorrow and we can stay all day. We're going to the#"

"#Zoo, zoo, zoo!#" chimed Batman who leaned toward Hawkgirl when his part came along.

"#How 'bout#"

"#You, you, you!#"

They continued. You can imagine.

"Yeah . . . " Lantern put a hand on his chin. "Why didn't you just use the tracker on the _Javelin_?"

"Because you were so sure he'd be here."

"Oh." A herd of antelope ran by followed closely by a pride of lions with a murder of crows on the lookout for the wake/colony/committee of vultures that would be seeking leftovers. "Well, break out the locator, then."

J'onn looked around. Superman and Lantern stared at the locator to figure out how to read it, Wonder Woman was watching Hawkgirl and Batman and kind of wishing she knew that song, and pandemonium littered the streets of the zoo. A bird overhead let loose some more pandemonium which platted in a white blotch on J'onn's shoulder. He sat down in a huff.

"This day's gone all to Hell."

Wonder Woman tackled Hawkgirl.

· ¤§¤ ·

(24) I should think Tomboy13 would recognize that line. Why, it's what inspired me to make him obsessed with television. I laughed then, in your story, even though I wasn't supposed to.

(25) Or vacuum shield. Space shield? I guess it depends on where the _Javvie _is, so here it's a windand/ordustshield.

(26) Which he might have wanted to do before he left. He probably didn't adjust the mirrors, either.

(27) They build those things to _last._


	15. Send me some money

Well, we've finally come to the end. Can you believe it? I decided to upload the last chapter on the last day of school as kind of a conclusion to the semester, a completing-the-circle kind of thing. To everyone still in high school: 1) Booyah. 2) I was gonna write something here about you could wait 'till your last day, too, but I really just want to further rub in the fact that I'm out of school _today._ And you're not.

It's my first year of college; so sue me. You'll wanna do it, too.

Remember that slight ST:TNG crossover? It's in here.

By the way, **SOKERFREEK922**, I've left a special message for you in the reviews. I don't want to ruin the mood of the chapter.

· ¤§¤ ·

They always told him he couldn't do it.

But no one was looking.

If no one was looking, then he _could_ do it.

He extended one exploratory finger and brought it toward the forbidden opening. He inserted it.

It was wonderful! It was warm and squishy and fuzzy, like a dream. Fluffy pillows greeted his finger. It liked to have never left, but he knew he had to take out his finger before he was spotted.

Reluctantly, he removed his finger. But what was this? A stowaway? One of the sticky pillows had attached itself to his finger.

He took it to his eye and inspected it.

He took it to his nose and sniffed it.

He took it to his ear and listened for any signs of life.

He took it to his mouth and-

"Don't you _dare _eat that!"

Henry's mother grabbed his wrist and wiped the booger off his finger. "What have I told you?" she scolded. "That's it. No ice cream for you, young man."

Flash watched the mother and son who were sitting on the row of movie seats in front of him. He was having a very hard time trying to laugh quietly, when out of the corner of his eye, he saw something that wiped the smile off his face.

"FIRE!" someone screamed. She was agreed with by a lot of screams and slamming theatre seats. The writhing mob of panicked patrons was not going to get out of the theatre all at once like they were trying to do; instead they would probably end up trampling people to death.

Flash had no choice at this juncture. He may not have been able to run, but he did anyway.

Leaving his coat, hat, and crutches where they were, he ran, and he didn't fall. Maybe it was the force of running or being so concentrated on something else, I don't know, but he sped around just dandy. The first thing he did was to bring everyone outside.

"You see?" Henry's mother asked her son. "You pick your nose and your favourite theatre gets burned down."

"But that's not-"

"Don't back talk your mother. Little boys who talk back to their mothers get worm larvae in their brains."

Henry was silent for a moment. "So are we getting ice cream?"

"Don't nag your mother. That's why your father left." She paused. "C'mon; let's go get ice cream."

The Justice League came across the scene while Flash was rescuing everyone by himself. He had it under control, but it still wigged them out. Heat Wave could be seen in the distance, bounding away from the site of destruction. Well, I saw him. I don't know about anyone else. As soon as I mentioned him, he ran away. He's always doing that.

Once everyone was out of the theatre, Flash went into a spin, which was much easier than usual for obvious reasons. (28) He gathered up all the fire into a flaming tornado, making the fire expend all its fuel to a point where it couldn't recover. After the fire was extinguished and he knew everyone was safe, he allowed himself to relax, which he did in a pile on the ground right at the feet of a very livid Green Lantern.

Green Lantern, as he was not one to kick a man while he's down, helped Flash stand. Then he kicked him.

"Hey!"

"What do you think you're doing?" He was mad.

"I'm saving people." Flash was equally mad. "Maybe you could have helped or something instead of just watching."

"Well, stop it. You're in no condition to try and be a hero."

"That's what I do!"

Flash spotted Hawkgirl and Wonder Woman who were, to put it mildly, very disheveled; their hair was a rat's nest, cuts and scrapes littered their otherwise flawless skin (29), and they were both cradling various body parts.

"What happened to you?"

Seemingly from out of nowhere, a very large cobra leapt, grabbed Flash on his jugular, and began to pump its venom. Superman grabbed Flash's collar to keep him standing, and he grabbed the snake, but not soon enough. Flash was screaming as the poison tried to get to his heart and spread all over his body, but Superman's super sucking power (30) was enough to get most of the poison out of his body, not to mention threatening to take half of Flash's blood supply with it.

"Ah, yes-s-s-s," they heard a woman hiss. They looked up to see her riding what had to be a five-hundred-foot cobra, and Flash didn't even want to think about what its average daily caloric intake was.

"Finally, I have-" Cobra Queen stopped abruptly and peered at the group before her. "Oh. S-s-s-sorry. I thought you were another heads-s-s-strong, red-clad s-s-s-superhero. Do you know where I could, s-s-s-s, find him?"

The Justice League shook their heads slowly, except Flash who was holding his throat and waiting for that tingling to subside.

"Oh. Maybe I should inquire from your, s-s-s-s, fat friend here. Cos-s-s-sgrove," she said, instructing her snake to bring her toward Green Lantern. That is also where she stopped talking.

"Oh, no she di'in't," said Hawkgirl in that monotone fashion that did nothing for the phrase except make it sound extremely funny. I really wish you could have been there.

A giant green fist punched her with enough force to send her and her snake back to their own universe.

"No one calls _me_ fat," Green Lantern grumbled.

Flash spit out some excess saliva as he was producing copious amounts.

"That's disgusting," Lantern said, taking a step away.

"Sorry. I got a lot in here. I feel like an Alien."

The Kryptonian, the Thanagarian, and the Martian glared with eyes that bore right through him.

" . . . Not you guys."

Superman let him fall.

"Do you think we should tell him now?" Wonder Woman asked. She finally got the answer she desired.

"The day's almost over," Superman said. "I think it's safe."

"What?" Flash asked, still not letting go of his ever-swelling neck. He felt the nausea welling up inside him and his heartbeat become irregular.

The ground under them began to shake. Something like a vertically-sitting rain cloud appeared. A bolt of lightening streaked out from it and drew a zigzagging line across the air in front of it. They heard a rip, and the zigzaggy line opened a portal into . . . nothingness. There was nothing on the other side, not even colour. It wasn't white and it wasn't black - it was just nothing.

"What did I tell you?" Batman gloated. "Super smarts - check," he said, ever so sassily, then added a smug, "Swish."

"This has just been the worst day," Flash said, not attempting to get up.

"Flash," Green Lantern kneeled, putting a supportive hand on the younger man's shoulder and forcing him to tear his eyes from the growing rift, "we need to talk to you."

Suddenly, a giant meteor landed directly on the congregation of super heroes. Everyone who could be killed by a giant rock traveling at superspeed from the depths of space was, and everyone who couldn't, was anyway. The rift closed.

"That'll teach them to screw with the continuity of the universe," a voice said, brushing off his hands. "Humans." He shook his head, then paused. " . . . And Kryptonians. And Thanagarians. And- Never mind. I wonder what Jean-Luc is up to right now."

And with a snap of his fingers, Q was gone.

· ¤§¤ ·

(28) Think of the Enterprise when the port nacelle gets hit or the engine goes on the fritz.

(29) Bitches.

(30) - check

· ¤§¤ ·

I betcha thought I'd save him, didn't you? Ha _hah_! Eat it.

Well, that's it for me. I'm Audi 5000.


End file.
